| | i've been thinking a lot.
and we've been hanging out a lot.
more than me and alex ever did, anyway.
hugging each other in the halls doesn't count as hanging out, that just means you can't escape each other.
but no, this time i think it's different.
i'm not going to jinx anything now, nor am i going to claim it's destiny or anything shitty like that.
but i really think i love him.
which is weird because i've said "i love you" many times before, but it's never felt like this.
maybe i'm saying that because i just don't remember what it felt like before, or i blocked it out, or it's been so long.
i probably have felt like this before.
but it feels so good i don't even care.
and i don't have the reservations that i usually do...
"i love you" but god are you one ugly motherfucker.
"i love you" but this will never work out because we're so far apart.
"i love you" but the visible earwax in your ear is making me feel like throwing up at any given second.
"i love you" but shit, i really wish i was going out with him.
"i love you" but you kiss like a moose.
......etc. etc. etc.
there aren't any "but's" afterwards. when i say "i love you" i don't have anything left to putz about.
true, he's so skinny and he makes me feel like a fat blob, but it makes me want to be better. he says he's going to work out more and get a six-pack again. hopefully that means he might gain a little bit more mass, cuz he is super lanky. but of course in the mean time i'm watching what i eat again and trying to not be so goddamn lazy. he's my inspiration for that.
we're both into tattoos and piercings, and we're both excited about the prospect of the other getting a few (him with an eyebrow piercing would be SO hott, and he's really into the idea of me getting my lip done).
we make-out in public and people stare... they don't get upset or disgusted, they get aroused. it's highly entertaining.
i know there's no feasible way that i could be beautiful all the time... but he tells me i am. and he doesn't say it because he thinks he has to... he really means it. he's so earnest and sincere.
he's beautiful and sensitive and every moment i'm with him and we're just cuddling or whatever, i'll close my eyes and forget everything and open them again and be so fucking happy that the whole situation seems too surreal; too good, like it must be happening to someone else, not me.
...but it is me, and i'm so so so so so fucking happy about that.
granted he's not 100% perfect... he's 5 months younger than me and can't drive (usually my prerequisites in boyfriends are experience+car, and there's neither... but it's not a big deal. they're things he'll get eventually), his friends are really nice to me but total assholes to him and he takes it in stride (i feel bad liking them when they're occasionally complete dicks to him and i don't get how their friendship works when he never does anything slightly dickish at all in retaliation), he gets really sensitive about some things (i accidentally call him stupid in a joking way and it really upsets him, it's something i'm going to have to learn to not do), his mom is super conservative and he hates his dad with a passion (not without reason... see the item prior to this one. it just makes getting to know his family really awkward and almost impossible, but that doesn't have anything to do with him as a person)...
...
but if i've learned anything from living thus far, life love and the pursuit of happiness are about sacrifices: the lesser of two evils, choosing your battles, doing things you don't want to do so that someday you can do things you DO want to do, and having patience and respect for other people.
if you nit-pick someone, you'll find flaws in them no problem.
but it's not about you all the time.
and i'm the happiest i've been in a long long long time.
|
| | Posted 3/15/2009 7:26 PM - 4 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
